Archive Page 2
Nerds going too far…
Dating Disasters – Part 3
Romantic dinner fail
Parties
OK, if you are having a party don’t buy plates with the reason for the party printed on them. I don’t need to be reminded that it’s “Game time!” or it’s my “Happy Birthday!” or I’m having “Happy Holidays!”.
The food on the plate has already obscured the message, and if I’m too young or old and senile to not understand why I’m at a party, the plate is not going to improve my comprehension.
dating disasters – part 2
Some advice for the ladies on dating sites – do not post photos of yourself wearing sports team apparel:
1) You immediately rule out all the guys that hate said team.
2) You attract men who have such interesting hobbies as: sitting on the couch, drinking beer, yelling, occasional rioting.
3) The only time you see Hollywood starlets wearing these items are when they are caught in a tabloid “candid” photo out buying smokes or coke. Don’t do what Britney does.
4) The tomboy look tends to appeal to lesbians and gays in denial. This is not what you signed up at the dating site to find. Next time try Craigslist.
So until Vera Wang starts making evening dresses that say “Brady” on the back with big numbers, avoid the caps and jerseys.
A few songs/band names that are somewhat … strange …
Put Some Grit in It – Karachi Prison Band
Bollywood Beatdown – Stanton Warriors
Hired Goons – Evil Nine
I Feel Good, Put Your Pants On – Jackson Jones
(all are real songs – and some are good)
Dating Disasters – part 1
If you meet a girl who doesn’t like beer, is not a night person, and is a vegetarian, there is a problem.
If you ever started dating, she would never get drunk and keep you up all night eating your meat. Bada bing!
(The above scenario may or may not have actually happened. The double entendre may or may not amuse you. Vegetarians definitely are annoying. )
the faulty logic of spammers
My line of work keeps me close to the pulse of the whole emailing “thing”. I, of course, work for a legitimate email marketing platform (much like Don Corleone worked for a legitimate olive oil importer, I suppose), but the less reputable senders try to find a lot of tricks to get their message through to you.
Two tricks in particular don’t make any sense to me. Like most blatantly stupid concepts, there is a point of view from which they make sense, but I know of almost no one, even most stupid people, that will fall for this.
The first little trick is one to get that very important message to the top of your in-box, so it doesn’t blend in with all the other spam. Say… Most people sort their in-box by date! I’ll set the message for a date in the future! Brilliant!
Now, apart from the fact that most of these do nothing else to hide that they’re just spam, and that it doesn’t work because they all do it so it ends up being self-defeating, it’s just a silly thing to do. Or, at least, if you’re going to do this to us, do it in an entertaining way:
From: Spammer@spam.com
To: you@youraddress.com
Date: Jan. 12, 2036
Subject: Warning from the future!
Message:Greetings,
We hope this message reaches you in 2009.
We are a conglomerate of scientists from 2036. We must plead with you to buy this 30,000 tons of pig iron. If you don’t, the consequences in our time will be dire!
etc, etc…
The other one that’s really starting to bug me is getting all this spam from myself.
Look, I know we can all set whatever “From” address on an email that you like. And that a lot of places do set exceptions to email filters for their own addresses, but do you really expect me to believe I’m sending myself male enhancement ads?
Again, you should at least have fun with it if you’re going to do it:
From: you@youraddress.com
To: you@youraddress.com
Date: Jan. 12, 2009
Subject: Bet you think you’re going to sleep every night
Message:Hah! Sleep…
I’ll level with you… I’m your other personality. When you think you’re going to sleep, that’s just me taking over and going out to party.
It’s a lot of fun, but I got to let you in on this, because we’re just not getting any. If you ever want to “wake up” next to a beautiful woman whose name you don’t know, I need you to go buy this male enhancement product!
Etc, etc
Better yet, combine the two! Here’s a message I’d almost be obliged to follow:
From: you@youraddress.com
To: you@youraddress.com
Date: Jan. 12, 2036
Subject: I’m the future you! Help!
Message:These scientists hope they can get this message through to you…
I’m your future self, and I have a dire warning for you. If you don’t buy this male enhancement product, the future of the entire human race is in danger from a violent plague that kills all men but you.
The problem is that even as the only man left, all the girls still laugh at the size of your… of our unit.
For the sake of the future, you must… get… bigger.
etc, etc…
All right, spammers. There’s your good idea for the day.
I suck at life
So my ‘vast experiment’ to just brain dump on paper has resulted in me talking about comics I like, a theory about aliens, and stuff that’s a waste of time. I feel like an even more boring version of Mickey Rooney. Am I really this boring? The answer is yes.
Also, the Tennessee Titans/Baltimore Ravens game is still a tie.
Again with the Aliens
Recently, I’ve read two books and saw a movie as well. One was a comedy piece (The Toyminator by Ian Rankin), one was hard science fiction (Anathem by Neal Stephenson) and the third was an action movie (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). All three are completely different. And yet all three had one major thing in common: Aliens. Not just aliens- Interdimensional Aliens.
Each of these handled this in the same way- there is a mystery they are trying to solve, and after the viewer is invested in the plot, they reveal that there are aliens involved. Then, further in, its revealed that it isn’t just aliens- as if the screenwriters are embarrassed with themselves, its revealed that we are dealing with aliens… FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION.
This brought me to a realization about popular science fiction and embarrassment with tired genres. You see, each felt the need to apologize over the fact that the major reveal in their fiction was aliens. Its like ‘Wait! Come back! They aren’t actually aliens… they are FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!’
However, this isn’t the first time this has happened. Way back when, Beowulf had monsters that came from the areas under the earth. As science continued to advance, people started explaining the monsters as coming from other places- first it was from the sea, from the far north, and yet we kept advancing and discovering no monsters. When we got to Jules Verne, the moon was infested with monsters. Then we declared that there was no way there were monsters on the moon, so 20 or so years later, H.G. Wells declared that those aliens came from Mars. As we realized that there are no monsters on Mars, popular fiction explained that those monsters came from planets outside our solar system. Now, as we realized how ridiculously impossible space travel is, we declare that those monsters come from other dimensions.
If we discover that interdimensional travel and string theory is wrong, who knows from where those monsters will come from next.
In Case You Noticed
I am doing right now what is known as a ‘brain dump.’ This is when I just spew out whatever I’m thinking about into various posts on various topics. I’m doing this as an experiment. You see, in my normal day to day life, I don’t write as much as I used to. Well I do, but only in a business writing sense of the word. I feel that over the past ten years my writing style has deteriorated rapidly, and I’d like to get it back. I think that the more often I write, the better I’ll get at it. You’ll also get to know a little more about me. That is, until my cobloggers start realizing what I’m doing and either kick me out, edit the heck out of me, or just delete these willy nilly. We’ll see how it goes. Just remember- sometimes you need to do a lot of sh*t-polishing before you can see the more shiny excrement underneath
